The life of a divinity student is often quite hard. We are consumed by classes, reading, homework, exams, ministry positions, work, and all at the same time we have families and social lives to keep up with.
Since coming to divinity school, I have realized that many of the younger students (around my age) have a hard time adjusting to this lifestyle. It is not because the work is too hard or too much. We often struggle because we find ourselves living in between two worlds.
There is the divinity school atmosphere in which we are called to be witnesses for God. Then there is the world beyond Buies Creek.
As I think about living life as a divinity student, I have reflected that it has been quite hard to be myself. When I first began attending this small school I decided that I was just going to go with the flow, and cover up who I really am. After a few semesters of that, I realized how depressed and sad I was that I wasn't saying how I really felt about things or spoke up in conversations about controversial issues.
Many of the younger students struggle with this. When we talk,we discuss the fact that we are often scared to speak up, scared to share our own thoughts for the fear of being judged and doomed to hell. I think its a sad state when you can't be yourself in your own learning environment.
I decided over the summer that when I returned to divinity school this semester, I was going to be Sara. Take me as I am or leave me. That is what I felt was best for me and knew that if I wasn't myself, I would continue to live in this saddened, depressed stage.
Since coming back to school this semester, I have been Sara. When someone says something I don't agree with, I tell them. I have butted in to many controversial topics, and have discussed my way through them until I was satisfied.
I know that this has surprised a few people and has made others really question who I really am. All I know is that I am happy. I go around a much better person because I know that I am being me. I have had people comment that I seem much more at peace, and that I look overall happier with life. I gotta admit, being yourself in your place, as God has called you to be is what life is all about.
My life has changed for the better. I am happy. I am myself. And I actually am looking forward to the future ;)
1 comment:
You know, school should be a safe place to ask questions, bring up and test new ideas, and really do a lot of work in the area of shaping who one is and what one thinks. Anyone who comes into a graduate school setting (especially divinity school/seminary) with the mindset that they have everything already figured out needs to just drop out and go do something else. Academic study is not for know-it-alls; it is for people who realize they don't have all the answers...and never will...at least not in this life...and maybe not in the next, either.
Post a Comment