In public

When I hear the word "public" my mind automatically thinks of comedian Ron White and the way he used to talk about being "drunk in public". He didn't say the word public in any normal way...in fact I found the way he said it to be quite obnoxious. I remember seeing him on TV several times and every time he said the word public I cringed. I believe that stuck in my mind because now whenever anyone says the word "public" I am reminded of the obnoxious way of saying it.

Lately, I've heard a lot of talk about public. We talk at work about going public with decisions that have been made. In class we often talk about how we are to act in the outside world (or the public). At church, I heard about inviting the greater public to a Christmas service that would be taking place in December. As you can see, I've been hearing the word a lot.

Not only have I heard it in these places, I have heard the word from my boyfriend. For a while now he has made a joke that I don't like to be seen with him in public. Well of course I interject my feelings and exclaim that that is not the case. He gets this smile on his face and says something like.. I know the truth, you don't like to be seen with me in public. Well today, as we were walking into a restaurant to have lunch with some friends, he made the comment that I don't like to be seen with him in public. Of course, I responded but this time he got a smile on his face. He said of course he knew it wasn't true, he just liked to see how I react to such things.

Well, I decided...I want the world to know I really do like to be in public with my boyfriend. If you didn't know that already...now you do. I love to be in public with him and in fact, I am a better person for being around him and with him. So the reality is quite the opposite...being in public with him means that I can show off the person that makes me a better person and that makes me "one happy woman." :-)

These are a few of my favorite things...

As I lay here tonight watching the 40th Anniversary edition of The Sound of Music I am reminded of the later years of my childhood when I first saw this movie. I don't remember where I was or who I was with, but I remember falling in love with this movie. I remember wanting to go to Salzburg (which is still a dream) and I remember learning the words to all of the songs in the movie.

When I was in the 5th grade, my mother purchased the piano music for me so that I could learn to play the songs. I started with the famous tune "These are a few of my favorite things..." I practiced that song everyday for weeks so that I could get it perfect. I wanted to be able to play it at my recital. I finally go it and my piano teacher was so proud of me.

Several years ago the 40th edition of the movie came out on a 2 DVD special edition. I asked for it for my birthday and my aunt got it for me. I was so excited that I watched it that night. Since then, I haven't watched it much, but lately that tune of favorite things has been on my mind.

Tonight after finishing one of my take home exams for school I decided to put the DVD in. As I laid here watching the movie, I was reminded of some of my childhood thoughts. I remember writing down some of my favorite things. At the time they included my dog, my mom, pizza, church, and Mexican food. As I lay here watching the Sound of Music, I have a smile on my face. There is just something about Maria becoming the governess of the VonTrapp household and making them clothes and teaching them to sing. The songs put a smile on my heart.

My list of favorite things has changed a bit since the fifth grade. Actually, it has changed quite a bit. If you'd like to know... my favorite things include my boyfriend. He puts a smile on my face and makes me laugh even when I am in a weird or bad mood. He makes me feel comfortable and I know I can be myself around him. He makes me happy when I am sad. I love spending my time with him no matter if it is at the dinner table or sitting in my room. He is one of my favorite things. My list also includes my friends. My friends mean the world to me. I have a group of close friends that I really feel "get" me. I don't have to act around them and I can just tell it like it is. My parent's are on my list. My sister is there as well. The list also includes traveling to places like Vienna, Austria, Prague, Czech Republic, Seville, Spain, and Cairo, Egypt. I haven't made it to Salzburg... but I am trying to get there this coming summer. The list has food on it as well...from Mexican food to pizza to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.


These are just a few of my favorite things. As I sit here and sing along (but not too loud) I am reminded that I have a lot to be thankful for and I wanted to share a few of my favorite things.

(Image from www.walmart.com)

Learning values in their own way.

As I was scrolling through the Time.com website looking at the news headlines one in particular caught my eye. Sunday School for Atheists happened to be at the top of the news. I clicked on the link and saw a picture of a young woman reading to several children. I began to read the article and became very interested in what it had to say.

Groups of atheists all over the United States are starting groups that come together weekly to teach their children values. They have their own version of the Christian Sunday School. The interviews in this article really intrigued me because the people talked of not believing in God at all. Now, I have had my days of straying from the straight and narrow, but I have always believed there is a God.

One of the stories in particular really got to me. A woman spoke of her son talking to someone about the Bible. The son was really interested in this truth that he had been presented and wondered why they didn't believe in it. After that, his mother sent him to a humanist camp to be with other children who had been raised not to believe in God.

As I read further, the article listed the things that these people and their children do in Sunday School. This is where they go to learn values and how to live. The children had studied Stone Soup a book about how a community comes together each person giving one thing to make the soup. If I am not mistaken, I have used this book before in church, or something very similar.

I am not really sure what to think about this Atheist Sunday School. I wonder if they have a class for how to deal with over zealous Christians, like the classes I have seen for Christians on how to deal with Latter Day Saints. I'd be interested in what it would be like to be taught how to live a life of values not believing in God. I'd bet it would be pretty hard.

Weird to us...normal to them

Last week, I was walking through the halls of the Divinity School. I heard various conversations taking place on topics from studying to the weather. As I walked past one of the groups of classmates I heard them talking about weird occurrences. One of the girls said she had seen a headline that a man had wed a dog in India. Imagine that, a man marries a dog in India. I shook my head and kept on walking. The next day, I looked for a news article about this wedding, but could only find the picture on AOL news. I was intrigued by the picture and wanted to know more, but the story hadn't been written yet.

As I was laying here tonight for some reason I thought about the wedding between the man and dog. I googled the topic and found an article. I opened it up and there it was: Man in India Marries Dog As I read the story, I was amazed at why a man would marry a dog.

It turns out that this man married a female dog in a traditional Hindu wedding ceremony as an attempt to atone for stoning two other dogs to death- an act that he believes cursed him. As I continued to read the article I shook my head not understanding why any human would marry a dog. It turns out that in rural India deeply superstitious people sometimes organize weddings to dogs and other animals believing it can ward off certain curses.

I thought, what a backward practice marrying dogs. The article says that after the wedding the family had a feast and gave the dog a bun. Who in their right mind would really marry a dog is what my mind continued to think. To us, this seems quite weird. To them, its the norm. As I thought of this, I was reminded that I am thankful for the forgiveness of my sins through Jesus Christ.
(I'm also praying that no one I know will ever marry a dog... I might just have to laugh out loud.)

(photo credit: www.aol.com)

What I can't say...

Posting blogs has caused a sense of release in my life. When I first started blogging, I was writing almost daily about thoughts or quotes or different things that were happening in my life. I expressed in my ministry journals that I found this blogging to be a sense of release for me. It has been almost like therapy.


For the past month and a half or so I have been experiencing so many emotions and thoughts that I cannot post here on this blog. I cannot post them because they are things I don't want to world to know. I cannot post them because they are things I haven't even admitted believing to myself. I cannot post them because I am scared to let go of them. I feel that if I keep them to myself, I have a safer hold on them.

I had shared with a dear friend that I had all of these things on my mind that I couldn't write for the world to see (yet). She told me I should journal them. I agreed and we moved on.

Today when I arrived at Divinity School, I looked in my mailbox and there was a small gift. I thought what in the world? Now, my friend had told me that she had a small gift for me, but I just wasn't expecting it to be in my mailbox. I took it out of my box to check it out. There it was, a brand new journal. Attached to it was a blue sheet of paper with a note. A portion of it reads: "For all of the thoughts that you cannot post..."

So to my friend, I thank you for the encouragement and support. I thank you for being a faithful reader and for giving me creative ideas for ways to deal with my thoughts and emotions. I am glad you are in my life and I am thankful for this gift!

The things I did....

Last week a friend was talking about the things we do when we are young. She shared her story about her group of friends in middle school. They all made up a fake story about having play practice after school so that they could all stay after school. Only they weren't staying for play practice, they were staying after to practice making out.

After hearing her funny story, I began to think about the things I did. I think I'll share a few. Maybe they will make you laugh. Maybe they will make you remember some of the things you did when you were young.

When I was in 8th grade, I began to really hate gym. I had this coach that no one liked, but she seemed to like me. I tried to come up with ways to get out of participating in gym. I skipped a few times...and got caught. So, instead of continuing to get in trouble, I needed to come up with a way to get out of it. I came up with a fantastic story to tell my coach so that I wouldn't have to participate. I told her that I was pregnant and couldn't participate in P.E. The funny thing is.. she bought it for about 4 weeks and then she asked for a doctor's note. All that time, I sat on the sidelines laughing while everyone else did the exercises and learned how to play basketball and volleyball. You know, my coach didn't punish me for lying. She just made me participate again.

My hatred of gym continued into high school. Somehow, in 9th and 10th grades I ended up with the coolest gym coach ever. Instead of participating in the sports, he let me clean his office out every week. All I had to do was write a paper on the sport that the rest of the class was doing. I got out of participating and didn't have to lie.

As I think about my time as a teenager, I can remember many fun stories. I did a lot of stupid things. I did a lot of things to cry out for attention.


What did you do that was stupid? What did you do that was crazy? Did you do things for attention? Or did you just get by?

So I'm reminded...

I sat down tonight to complete my writing assignment for next week. All I had to do was write a 300 word obituary for myself. This doesn't sound hard, but it was. As I struggled to come up with the best words to say, I realized how hard it was to talk highly of myself. Usually when one reads an obituary they see the persons greatest contributions to society, all of the lives they had touched and so on. It was hard for me to think about the lives I have touched or of any great contributions that I have made to society. After all, how much can a divinity student really do to change the world?

After writing it, I asked one of my closest friends to read it. She did and halfway through said she couldn't take it anymore. It was giving her chills. For my sake, she continued to read it and then she began to express her feelings.

Far too often I think we don't tell people how we feel about them. We tend to be private with our feelings, keeping things to ourselves. We don't tell our friends we love them, we don't share how we really feel because we think "there's always tomorrow."

In my life I have lost many people. Some of these people died. Some of these people have moved out of my life in a way in which I will never find them again. Some of these people I pushed out of my life and some pushed their way out. As I thought about these people I lost, I wondered how many of them really knew how I felt about them.

When you look at my personality type, I am a feelings person. I feel before I think. However, even though I am a feelings person, I don't always do my best at telling people how I feel. I believe that I often hide my feelings so that I have less likely of a chance to get hurt. The truth of the matter is, there is more that I need to share with people than I really do. I need to tell people how I feel.

So I'm reminded...of the challenge once given to me by a wise old friend. "Tell people how you really feel because there may not be a tomorrow."

I challenge you (and myself) to tell people how you feel about them. It will mean the world to them and it will change your world as well.

Trusted Friends

When I was growing up, I struggled with fitting in with the crowd. I had a few trusted friends and basically despised everyone else.

As I have grown older my number of friends has broadened. I have people who have been in my life for certain seasons, some for years, some of only weeks. There are close friends, distant friends, long lost friends, and then those I just consider acquaintances.

Going through life with all those issues has caused me to have times when I really needed a shoulder to cry on, a friend to hug, someone to laugh with, you know all the things a friend does for a person. Whenever I was in need, it always seemed that God put the person there that I needed.

As I have gotten older, I prayed that I would be the friend to people, that people have been to me. I want to be able to be the person that people chose to confide in, the person people trust, the person that people come to when they feel they can go no where else.

You get what you pray for. People come to me all the time and I don't always understand it. People will share things with me that I have no knowledge about. Some will share deep, personal stories while others just share the latest gossip. The point is, I am being that friend. As I asked my trusted friend and counselor, why people choose me she said it was because I am easy to talk to. She said I have an open mind and people know they can trust me. I told her that all sounded great, but I didn't buy it.

Maybe I should start buying it. More and more these days, I have become the trusted friend. I am thankful that God is placing me in the lives of people that need me. I am hearing heart wrenching stories. I am hearing stories of love and laughter. I am hearing stories of pain and suffering. Most of all, I am hearing stories as the trusted friend.

So, as I think about being the trusted friend that hears the stories (that I don't repeat), I think about my trusted friends. I am forever thankful for the lives of the people who have touched me; while I am ever thankful that God has placed me in the lives of those who need a trusted friend.

May we remember that no matter where we walk or the trials we face God has us there for a reason. So look around, find trusted friends and never let them forget that you are thankful.

Red, Yellow, Black, and White...We are precious in His sight

In the past few weeks, I have been contacted by several divinity school graduates to come and speak to various groups at their churches about Islam. Of course, I have agreed to go and help them out with this teaching. As I have been thinking about this, I thought about my life.

I grew up in a rural town on a dirt road, next to my grandparent's 40 acre farm. The closest thing I knew to diversity were the few African American children in my classes. Most of the people I knew and hung around were white. As I went through middle and high school, this stayed the same. When I was accepted to various universities across the Commonwealth of Virginia, I ended up choosing the one closest to home, yet it had some of the greatest diversity. As I arrived on campus for the first day of my freshmen year, I realized I was in the minority. I was surrounded by people from all over the world. I was 17 years old and had never left the East Coast of the United States.

Following that first year in college, I went to Europe for the first time to teach English. Since traveling internationally the first time, my interest was sparked, my feet were wet and I didn't want to stop traveling. I have traveled somewhere internationally each year since then. I am blessed to have been able to do this.

As I embraced the diversity that there was at VCU, I fell in love with the world cultures. It was quite interesting to me that I knew very little about other religions. I am a Christian and hadn't thought much about learning about other religions. Then September 11, 2001 happened. I remember the day and time, I remember where I was and how I reacted. After this tragic time for our country and its people, I decided that the way I could help was to learn more about Islam and help people to understand the true meaning. After all, God calls us to love all people. The following spring semester, I signed up for my first course on Islam. I remember going the first day. I was scared to death because I didn't know a thing and I was scared to fail. I was greeted with smiling faces and warm hearts of the many Muslims that were in the class.

As I continued my studies, I opted for a double major and chose religion with a focus on Christianity and Islam. This became one of the best opportunities for me. I was able to study under some of the best scholars and Imams in Islam. I took courses comparing the three monotheism's. I wrote papers, I read the Qur'an and I attended the masjid (mosque). This was a growing time for me.

During my years in college I became good friends with many Muslim people. I participated in more of the Muslims Student Association events than I did the Christian ones. It seemed that Muslims really knew how to accept people, while I always felt excluded in the Christian groups because I wasn't "like" everyone else.

Upon graduating from college I moved to a very small town in North Carolina where I would begin to attend Divinity School just a few weeks later. I thought that I had lost all of the diversity and that the learning about Islam would stop. I was wrong. I have been able to take world religions and independent research on Islam. Now I am the coordinator for International Student Services at the University working with people of all faiths and backgrounds.

So as I think about going and speaking at these churches in the upcoming weeks, I look at the path I have taken that brought me here. My ability to study and to learn has made me one of the student leaders for knowledge on Islam. I have students that ask me questions all the time. I have helped to build bridges between Islam and Christianity and for that I am truly thankful. Going to speak at these churches is not going to be easy. It is still a little nerve wracking because I struggle with what to say and how people will accept it. For now I can just keep it in my prayers.

As the picture above clearly shows, God created us all with different skin tones, different voices, different everything, yet he loves us all. As I continue to teach and educate others, may I do so in a way that God is exalted and people realize that just because someone believes differently than you it doesn't mean they are bad people.

Two worlds

The life of a divinity student is often quite hard. We are consumed by classes, reading, homework, exams, ministry positions, work, and all at the same time we have families and social lives to keep up with.

Since coming to divinity school, I have realized that many of the younger students (around my age) have a hard time adjusting to this lifestyle. It is not because the work is too hard or too much. We often struggle because we find ourselves living in between two worlds.

There is the divinity school atmosphere in which we are called to be witnesses for God. Then there is the world beyond Buies Creek.

As I think about living life as a divinity student, I have reflected that it has been quite hard to be myself. When I first began attending this small school I decided that I was just going to go with the flow, and cover up who I really am. After a few semesters of that, I realized how depressed and sad I was that I wasn't saying how I really felt about things or spoke up in conversations about controversial issues.

Many of the younger students struggle with this. When we talk,we discuss the fact that we are often scared to speak up, scared to share our own thoughts for the fear of being judged and doomed to hell. I think its a sad state when you can't be yourself in your own learning environment.

I decided over the summer that when I returned to divinity school this semester, I was going to be Sara. Take me as I am or leave me. That is what I felt was best for me and knew that if I wasn't myself, I would continue to live in this saddened, depressed stage.

Since coming back to school this semester, I have been Sara. When someone says something I don't agree with, I tell them. I have butted in to many controversial topics, and have discussed my way through them until I was satisfied.

I know that this has surprised a few people and has made others really question who I really am. All I know is that I am happy. I go around a much better person because I know that I am being me. I have had people comment that I seem much more at peace, and that I look overall happier with life. I gotta admit, being yourself in your place, as God has called you to be is what life is all about.

My life has changed for the better. I am happy. I am myself. And I actually am looking forward to the future ;)

A gem in your crown

When I was growing up, my grandmother always told me about people doing things just to get a gem in their crown. When I asked her what she meant, so always explained something about having a crown in heaven and for every good deed done on earth, a new gem was added.

There was the lady who would visit the shut ins every week. My grandmother told me the woman actually hated doing it, but she did it for the glory.

There was the distant relative that would come around every Christmas (the only time we ever saw her) and give us money.

There was the pastor that tried to make sure all of the children joined the church and were baptized. He was a numbers man.


As I have grown up, I stopped thinking about people doing things for the gems in the crowns. The thought left my mind for a while but has been brought back in recent months.

I was reminded of it again tonight. One of my closest friends is sick. She was doubled over in pain and I knew she needed help. I stopped what I was doing and went to be with her. I didn't do it for the glory or for the thanks. I did it because she truly means a lot to me and I didn't think she should be alone.

As we were sitting together, she decided that she needed to call her host family. She did and the woman said well we have plans but I will change them to come and get you. My friend told her there was no need for that, but the woman insisted. When my friend got off the phone she said to me, "she only wants to take me there so she can let me see a doctor then she can take me to the church and parade me around and let everyone know what she has done for me."

It saddens me to think that there are people in this world that would do that. As I thought more about it, I realized that my friend was right. The woman did want to parade her around for the glory.

God didn't call us to parade our good deeds for the glory. He called us to act justly,love mercy, and walk humbly with Him (Micah 6:8.) God doesn't call us to show off our good deeds or to expect thanks for them. So why do so many people do it?

Where are our servant hearts these days? Maybe I will have many gems in my crown, but I hope it's not because I did something just for the stone. I hope the gems are there because I have given of myself to show the love of Christ to others.

Don't ever be...

"Don't ever be afraid to come to me and cry. Don't ever hesitate to look me in the eye. Don't ever be afraid to tell me how you feel. You're my friend, together we gotta keep it real."

I have a close friend who has been going through a great deal of stress and pain in the last few weeks. Some days she seems to be on a high, smiling and enjoying life. While others she is just sad and doesn't understand the pain.

We talk everyday about the situation and ways to get through it. She seems to always ask me, "Why me?" and I don't know the answer.. so I just have to say, "I don't know, but you are stronger than this." I know that she is stronger than this situation...but I also know that this is hard and not easy to face.

Tonight we were talking and I could tell that she wanted to cry. I moved and sat beside her and held her in my arms and told her to cry.

Sometimes crying is not easy for us. We don't like to do it in front of others, we would rather hold in the pain. I'll admit, I don't like to cry in front of others.

The quote I chose to begin this evenings writings is dedicated to her. I hope she is never afraid to cry with me, never afraid to tell me how she really feels, never afraid to be real.

Facing a trial and tribulation with the help of a close friend always makes the situation seem a little brighter.

I'd like to share a few more of my favorite friendship quotes this evening. Maybe they will inspire you to thank someone in your life that you can be real with. Someone you can cry with and look in the eye. Don't ever forget that God placed these people in your life for a reason. When you are looking for God, just look around. He has placed people there to help you get through this.

"We are both of us angels with only one wing. We can fly only by embracing each other."

"When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look forward, look beside you and I'll be there."

"A friend is someone who smiles when you smile, laughs when you laugh, and cries when you cry."

Dance Partners

Let it be known, I like to dance. My sister can dance and has lots of rhythm and because of that she always told me I couldn't dance. I've always thought I had a few moves so I didn't really listen to what she had to say to me.

There are many different kinds of dance from dancing in the club to ballroom dancing, to polka dancing or line dancing. Now, I've done my share of dancing in the clubs, I've taken ballroom dancing lessons and even gone line dancing. Each dance has its on technique, its own style.

I've been reading a book for school and the writer talks about how the church should be in a dance with God. It's all about the movement between the two. As I began to think about this while driving from Virginia to North Carolina today, I started to equate dancing to my life.

There was a time in my life where I had one constant dance partner. We went everywhere together, made every move together, our feet moved in sync. This dance lasted for years until one day my foot was stepped on. After this, our moves were out of sync. We could never really get things back on track. And so our dance stopped.

After that long period of dance I thought it appropriate to take a break. I felt like one of those people at the clubs that is always standing on the sidelines and watching. Everyone else seems to be out there having a good time, even if they really can't dance. As I stood on the sidelines, I wanted to move, I wanted to dance but just never found the right partner.

There were periods where I danced a few dances with various people. While it was nice to be able to use my moves and move my feet, I really wasn't happy. I didn't feel like I had the best dance partner or that we made the best match.

After dancing with a few people, I decided that God was leading me to leave the dance floor all together. I left the club and stayed at home. While I was doing the things I needed to be doing with my life, I wasn't out on the floor. When I finally realized that it was all about giving things to God and letting him show me the right dance floor to be on, then I knew I was back on the right track.

I've been on a different dance floor since entering Divinity School. I've danced a few dances but there was no match. In the last few weeks, I think I've found a new dance partner. I'm excited about this dance called life and what it will bring. I ready to dance this dance (even if he is scared of having two left feet...or stepping on my toes). This song just started, so I am up for the dance.

Notes becoming Chords becoming Songs

Music touches our souls in strange ways. People have different tastes in music. Some like jazz, some like hard rock, while some others like country music. But I have yet to find someone who does not like music of any kind. What does music mean to you?

I remember music growing up. My mom would always sing me to sleep. My father would sing to wake me up. I used to get so mad at him every time he would come in my room singing "if your child needs a daddy I can help. I got two strong arms, I can help." I hated that song. I never believed it was real until I heard it on the radio several years ago.

Growing up in church, I learned many different hymns and songs on Sunday's and Wednesdays. I enjoyed singing in the children's choir. I was in the youth choir (and I quit after that.)

Music doesn't always have to have words though. I started taking piano lessons in third grade. I made music every week on that piano. I have played handbells in church for 14 years. I love to make music with bells and can even play solo.

The radio plays various types of music. Once we listened to tapes, then CD's and now I have over 2000 songs on my iPod. There's rock, pop, dance, Arabic, Islamic, Christian, and many other various types of music on there. I have various tastes when it comes to music.

Today, I was driving back from the airport with a friend and we had been listening to some popular dance music and we were both just moving with the beat. My friend was our DJ since I was driving, so it was totally up to her what we would listen to. After listening to a few of our favorites, she changed to Christian music. After a song or two of the Christian "fluff" as some people call it, our moods changed. We were more solemn. The lyrics gave us something to think about; we had things to contemplate. So as we rode along listening to these songs with deep meaning and beautiful melodies, my heart was changed.

I chose several songs I wanted her to hear including Entertaining Angels and Breakfast by the Newsboys, and Lifesong by Casting Crowns. I also played Big House by Audio Adrenaline. When this song was playing and my friend was listening to the words, she got a smile on her face. She realized what the song was about and how there is a place for everyone with God.

As I have thought about this more tonight, I am taken back to my time as a youth. I had a different taste in music. Most people around me were listening to country...I was listening to rap. The people at church were trying to get me to listen to Christian music...I refused. I was different in my tastes but no less a Christian than anyone else around me. However, I'm afraid that the church folks thought I was less of a Christian and tried to bring me "back" week after week.

Thinking of this situation I was in, I am reminded that there is a place for everyone with God. No matter what our tastes in music are (or anything else for that matter) God accepts us all.

So how does music speak to you? What genre of music do you like? Do you allow the lyrics to speak? Does music make you cry, smile, laugh, weary, happy, etc?

Take time to listen to the music. Music is the heartbeat of life.

"Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

Half a stick

Today as I was walking across campus, someone offered me a half a stick of gum. Immediately I was taken back to my childhood.

My Granddaddy (my father's father) was my best friend. We did absolutely everything together. His house was right next door to mine and I would go visit my grandparents everyday. While my Nanny was in the house cooking or cleaning, I was typically out on the farm with my granddaddy. He had an old Ford tractor, it was grey and red. He made a lift type thing for the back of it with a seat for me to sit on as he drove around the farm. I remember his old station wagon that I called a "grocery getter" as I got older. It was yellow and brown. The back would open up and seats were there. I loved it when he let me ride in the very back. I remember his black tool box in the back of his old green pick up truck. It didn't have seat belts and when we rode around I felt "cool" cause there were no seat belts.

My grandfather taught me many things. He taught me how to drive a tractor. He taught me how to plant a garden. He taught me how to laugh. When I was just a young child... always hanging around him.. I learned how to say a quote that has stuck with me forever. If I did something wrong, I would yell "Hell, dumb, damn, stupid, EB." Granddaddy thought it was so funny, because EB was my mother's father. (You know how families are.)

My grandfather was a meticulous man. Everything had its place. I think he learned this when he served in the Coast Guard. I remember his basement and one side had a wall of tools. Everything had a place to hang, and he always knew if something was missing. There were a few important things on that wall. He had several pictures of his family. And then there was an empty cigarette box. On it, was written: Last Box November 1, 1982.

I grew up looking at this box hanging on the wall, not always knowing why it was there or what the words and date meant. When I was about 10 I finally asked him what it meant. He told me that when he found out that his son was having a child he wanted to quit smoking. He finally gave it up one month before I was born. When he gave it up, he starting chewing freedent gum. He never chewed the whole piece...only half. He always offered someone else the other half.

When I was in the ninth grade, my grandfather was near his death. One week before he died I was at his house and was dying my hair. He just couldn't understand why my hair looked purple. He had been making so much fun of me that I was getting upset. He was very sick, and that night I went in his room and told him I just couldn't bear to see him like that. He told me he understood and he didn't want anybody to see him like that. He reached out his hand, touched my face and told me he would always love me. He reminded me of some of our best memories together. I knew then that I would never see him again. One week later, he passed away.

So, as I walked across campus today chewing my half a piece of gum, I was reminded of the love I have for my grandfather. Even though he died when I was in 9th grade, to this day I still feel his presence around me. He will always have a special place in my heart. I loved him, I love him, and I keep our memories dear to my heart. When I mess up, I still say "hell, dumb, damn, stupid EB" and laugh because I know if he were still alive he'd be laughing with me. So here's to half a stick of gum, and memories of one of the strongest men in my life.

Birfdays.. yes, Birfdays

If you walk down the aisle of a Hallmark store, do you know how many birthday cards you can find? How about all of the gift bags, tissue paper, tape, ribbons, etc?

How about when you are out in a restaurant and hear the birthday song being sung? Does it bring back memories for you of times growing up?

This weekend, I celebrated two of my friends' birthdays. We had an excellent time. As I have reflected over the time we spent together, I am reminded of many birthday memories.

I remember when I was 8 years old, my grandmother had a princess cake make for me. It was 3-D and I loved it. I took pictures of it, beside it, well you get my point. I didn't even want to eat it. That cake was one of my favorites. I loved it.

I remember when I turned 13, I dyed my hair and surprised my parents. Oh.. boy were they upset. However, I loved the new shade of blond. I just kept saying...at least it isn't blue or something.

I remember when I turned 16, I had a limo come to my house and pick up 6 friends and me. We went to a fancy dinner, then around to look at the tacky light tour (hey..its a big thing in Richmond).

I remember when I turned 17, it was the year I graduated from High School. A group of my friends took me out for my birthday and then to a party. We had a great time.

How about the milestone of 21. Of course there was a party with friends, but what sticks out to me more is the time with my mom. Funny story is that my mom and her friends wanted to take me out for my birthday. We went to a local Mexican Restaurant and had some drinks. Funny thing was, I stopped and my mom and her friends didn't. I ended up having to drive them all home (isn't there something wrong with that picture?)

On my 24th birthday, I was extremely sick. Two weeks after my birthday, I was in the hospital. I remember my family taking me out to eat for the evening and I couldn't eat. They were so worried about me and had no clue what was wrong. I tried to suck it up and smile.. but it didn't work, they knew I was in pain and really didn't want to be out.


Birthday memories. Since I spent the weekend celebrating with two close friends, I had time to think about how special birthdays have always been. One of the birthday girls chose to come and visit from Puerto Rico for her 21st birthday. The other friend turned 22 today.

We went out together on Friday night to a club/bar. I really felt like I was getting too old for this, but the girls made me feel young again. We had a great time out on the town. I drove them home, and we got back after 4am. On Saturday, I got to sleep in and then I made a cake for the girls. (I love cake, did I mention that?) Eleven of us went out to a local hibachi grill to celebrate their special days. We had a wonderful time and then returned to my apartment with everyone for cake. The conversation was great, the living room was filled with laughter. Once everyone left, I sat in my room with my two friends, and we relaxed. We had some true girl talk. We laughed together, we cried together, we hugged, we laughed again. Then we watched The Notebook. Well, we cried again.

Today brought a special 22nd birthday for one of my closest friends, but it also brought tears. We had to take our friend to the airport this morning for her to return to Puerto Rico. As we did, the crying happened, the goodbyes happened, and we realized this is a part of life. We are constantly having to tell people goodbye. After leaving the airport, we did a little shopping (you know one of my favorite things to do) and then returned back to the Creek. I cooked tonight (mashed potatoes from scratch)...and we had a good time eating, and talking afterwards.

Birthdays have always been important memories and milestones in my life. I am thankful to have been reminded this weekend of my milestones, the many celebrations I've had with friends and family, and I'm thankful to be alive.

My next milestone is in 2 months and 3 days.. and I will be half of 50. That means I am closer to 30... closer to needing to settle down in life...closer to graduating. There were times when I never thought I would make it this far. But as I think about it, I am so glad to have made it to where I am, and look forward to celebrating many more milestones, surrounded by the people I love.

Short but sweet....

Well.. I did it.. ;)

It's 2:42am...I have been out since 10...and I am one happy woman.


That's it for today folks...

Right place...right time

Today I realized that I am in just the right place. I mean, being at Campbell Divinity School at this time is the right place for me. It wasn't the person (can I say nosey student) who questioned my being late to class that did it. It wasn't the friend that loaned me her class notes, or the lecture series on preaching.

I realized today something that God has been trying to show me for sometime. I am surrounded by a select group of people that do not judge me for being myself. I often have different ideas on things such as how we get to heaven, or who is saved, or just what heaven will look like. As I talked with a friend after class today, we talked about how I am different and there is nothing wrong with that. She said some things about my thoughts and how she could see where I am coming from. In no way did she tell me I was wrong or did I feel that she was judging me.

Now granted, there are many people at Campbell who do not agree with me. There are those that are way more conservative that me. There are those who are more towards the liberal side than I am. However, I liked the words that were used to describe me tonight. I am seen as being confident in my ideas and in myself. I am also seen as being a non-conformist.

This may come as a surprise to you..but ladies and gentlemen, I don't conform to the crowd. I like to listen to all sides and form my own opinions and ideas about things.

I'll admit that I was excited to hear these things and why these things fascinated this person about me. As I go on being a non-conformist and confident, I am only more excited to see just what the future holds. And, I'm not kidding.

Silence and Strength

I spent the afternoon and evening with a close friend. We went to Cary to do some shopping and hang out. We had a great time.. and I managed to keep my wallet closed (for the most part). I didn't buy much, I kept a handle on the spending. As I went around the mall, I watched the various people and listened to my friend as we talked about life and school and work and the future. Talking about the future is fun, because both of us know that we can't plan too far in advance because God always seems to have other plans for us.

Well, we were on the way home and the music was playing. Whatever song was on happened to be about love. I was quiet and listening and realized that my friend had stopped talking. Without looking over at her, I said.. "What's wrong?" She looked at me and said.."how could you know? How did you realize that I needed you to ask me that?"

As we drove on, I began to give her one of my pep talks. She has really needed them these past few days as I have reminded her to be strong. As I was talking, she said to me... " You know I feel like the words you are saying is really God talking to me." I asked her why. She told me that she felt God was trying to talk to her and tell her to be strong in the situations she is facing and He knew that the only way she would listen was if I told her.

Hmm.. quite interesting. Well, as we drove on the car got silent again.. so I started singing. As we were almost home, she looked over and me and said, you know, you are one of the strongest women I have ever met. You set your mind to something and you do it. You give me these pep talks and encourage me to be strong. You are a wonderful example. As I thanked her she shared with me that her roommate felt the same way about me. I smiled to myself and was thankful to be viewed as a strong woman.

I haven't always been strong, but these days I am. I wonder why...

Secrets...

Every Sunday afternoon, I normally take time to read another blog. I read the same one every week. This blog is from Post Secret. Post Secret was a project that was started a while ago in which people can send in post cards containing their secrets. These secrets are then published in book form or online. I read this blog every week, seeing and trying to understand the secrets that are being shared. I even have one of the books and I have read every single secret that was printed inside.

I find this idea fascinating. The book has a quote from its compiler inside. It says, "There are two kinds of secrets: those we keep from others and those we keep from ourselves." -Frank.

I have the original Post Secret book that was published after this project began in 2004. In this book are some of my favorite secrets that I have read. Some of my favorites read:

"I am a Southern Baptist Pastor's Wife. No one knows that I do not believe in God."

"I Hate people who remind me of myself."

"I hated my childhood."

There are so many others that people have had the courage to artistically share in post card version and mail in anonymously. Each week, as I read these post cards, I think about what I might put on my own post card. Tonight it hit me that I would want to share the following.

Most girls grow up playing mommy with their baby dolls. They dream of the day that they are a mother and can dress their children and play with them at the park. I grew up telling people that I didn't want children. My reasons were that I didn't want a child to have the same kind of childhood I did, therefore I wouldn't have any. I told this story for so long, and will still tell it today. The truth is...I did have a rough time as a child..but I WANT to have children. I want about three of them.

So there it is folks, one of my secrets. I have held it in for many years, and so now you know: I want children.

Do you have secrets? Do you ever feel so bad after holding them in for so long that you want to share them? I feel much better sharing mine. It may seem small to you, but it is a very big deal for me. So... if you can..tell a secret or two. I believe you will feel better.

Yeah...he said it

Most people know that I love quotes. I don't mean numerical quotes for jobs to be performed or insurance quotes, I mean quotes in words that people have made about certain topics. I have quote books, read quote websites, and buy magnets with quotes.

A good friend shared the following quote with me this week. He thought that not only would I enjoy it, it would give me something to write about and express my feelings.

According to a profile in Christianity Today entitled "The Positive
Prophet," Campolo would often begin a speech this way: "I have three
things I'd like to say today. First, while you were sleeping last
night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to
malnutrition. Second, most of you don't give a shit. What's worse is
that you're more upset with the fact that I said shit than the fact
that 30,000 kids died last night."

I seriously appreciated this quote because it gave me a lot to think about. When I talk to non-Christians, they normally tell me about how Christians are so hypocritical, saying one thing and doing another. While this quote may only touch on that, to me it says something else. Campolo makes a statement about the death of children. He follows up the statement with a sentence using a word that is considered bad, something we don't use in our everyday language. My favorite sentence is the last. Campolo says that what's worse is that we as Christians are more concerned about the fact that he said, "Shit" instead of the children that died. Now that is the problem with that picture.

Another instance this week made me think about the way that supposed "Christians" get caught up on themselves and forget about others. One of my students shared this story with me. She told me that when she first moved to this university she was placed in a dorm room with a very sweet girl. It just so happened that the girl was Muslim. She prays five times a day to Allah, fasts during Ramadan, reads the Quran, and so on. When my student went home to her host family, she began telling her host mother about her new roommate. She shared just how sweet the girl was, how they look out for each other, and then she added that the girl was Muslim. Do you know how this supposed "Christian" host mother responded? She looked at my student and said..."Well that's great that you get along so well. But your roommate and her family are going to Hell." My student left that conversation saddened because here she was half way across the world from her home, she has finally found a friend and her host family tells her they are going to hell. What a way for a Christian to act.

This story brings up way too many deep issues for me to get into today, things like Muslims going to heaven and are they praying to the same God I do? I have my own set of opinions and would be glad to share if you ask.

There is a group of students on this campus, that shall remain nameless, and I feel that they believe they are the ultimate in the faith. They walk around this campus going after students that are not Christian. They even go after students that are Christian, they just feel they don't act like it. Since I work with international students, many of my students are not Christian. I do not judge them, I do not force them to convert, I allow them to live out their beliefs in their own way, all the while I behave as a Christian. Since the students have been back on campus, about 6 weeks, numerous students have come to me crying. When I ask them what is wrong, they explain to me that students from this "group" have confronted them. In their confrontations, they tell them that unless they believe the way they do, they are going to hell. Now... what a way to reach someone for Christ. There was no love in their statements, no saving grace, just an explanation that unless they change their ways, Hell is their destination. I truly believe these people are out to get numbers....to convert students and then let them be. I've asked several from this group...are you scaring people to death and making converts, or are you making true disciples of Jesus Christ?


So as I think about Campolo's quote...I wonder. As Christians, are we more concerned about the word "shit" (or various others) or do we truly care about humanity?

these words....

These words have been speaking to me since yesterday when my friends Viveca and Kerrie sang this song in chapel....

More to come on my thoughts later...

-S


MARY MARY LYRICS

"Can't Give Up Now"

There will be mountains that I will have to climb
And there will be battles that I will have to fight
But victory or defeat, it's up to me to decide
But how can I expect to win If I never try.

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

Never said there wouldn't be trials
Never said I would't fall
Never said that everything would go the way I want it to go
But when my back is against the wall
And i feel all hope is gone,
I'll just lift my head up to the sky
And say help me to be strong

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

[Hook:]
No you didn't bring me out here to leave me lonely
Even when I can't see clearly
I know that you are with me(so I can't)

I just can't give up now
I've come too far from where I started from
Nobody told me the road would be easy
and I don't believe he brought me this far to leave me

In His Image, not mine

I have started writing this entry about four times now...each time I have erased it all. Maybe what I write this time will be more profound than the last and stick to the page like glue. We will see...

I'm different. Now that is a bold statement. I know that I look like no one else, talk like no one else, and think like no one else. Growing up, they always told us that God created no one else like me, that we are unique beings and were made in the image of God.

Hearing that as a child is comforting. I mean.. I had braces, thick glasses, not the coolest of clothes, and therefore I was different. Well, I grew out of the phase.. got contact, the teeth were straight, got a job to buy my own clothes.. you know the routine.

Well, I think we are called to be different in Christ. Tonight, I was having a conversation with two people and the topic of homosexuality in churches came up. I admitted that am not against it. Oh no.. did she just say that gays in the church are ok? Well.. yes.

When I make that statement, I feel almost as if a spotlight were shining in on me...pointing me out as a heretic. For goodness sakes.. some would say I am going to Hell because I accept gay people.

Well, I don't take this lightly. I thought that we were all made "different" by God in his image. I am pretty sure that there is not a scripture about who I should accept and who I shouldn't. The great commission doesn't tell me to go into all the world and tell everyone accept gays.. or for that matter.. alcoholics, cheaters, homeless....well you get my point.


I guess I just wanted to share that I feel God loves all people. Surprise, Surprise. I really feel the church (as we, not God, have created it) is doing the world an injustice. God wants to be in a relationship with all people.. not just the elite.. so really.. why don't people just accept that they aren't the only ones God loves.. and move on.

"Yes, we're international"

Back in July, I began this position with Campbell University. I knew that I would be running the new department of International Student Services. The first few weeks were spent behind my desk, and I was getting a little nervous about the job. I was wondering if I had made the right decision to change jobs. But then the day came...I started the airport shuttles. In a little less than two weeks, I drove a total of 18 shuttles to and from RDU. Now, that is a task considering the campus is one hour away from the airport. As I greeted each student, some new, some returning...they smiled back at me and showed their appreciation. Once I got them all on campus, the questions started again. I thought, "so now what?"

We had a welcome pizza party with over 100 students in attendance and it was wonderful. The following Wednesday, we made our first internationals trip to Wal-Mart. When we returned to campus (after 3 hours of shopping) I stopped at each dorm to drop students off with their purchases. When each person departed the vehicle several of the girls would say "bye" in their accents and giggle. After each time, one of the male students would look at me and say, "Yes we're international."

During the next Wal-Mart trip I had about 25 students show up to attend. As I was taking the first group, I listened to the students talk. One said to me, "Sara, why are this many people going to Wal-Mart? Last year we never had this many." I responded with a simple "I don't know the reason why." A few seconds later, one of the girls spoke up and said..."Sara, don't you get it? We all just want to spend our time with you." That made my heart melt. I have heard over and over again how much they like spending their time with me...a traditional, non-international person.

Today, I traveled with a group of ten Asians to a movie and the Asian Market. They introduced me to all kinds of foods, new words, decorations, and traditions. As I was watching them walk along the aisles and interact with the employees and other patrons it hit me. In this place, I'm the international. Here they fit in. As I embraced the fact that I was international, I took note of the things that I did that made me stand out; one being speaking English.

So... in this world that God has created, we are all different, yet created by One God. So I think,"Yes, we're international," and I get a big smile on my face and in my heart!

Journey vs. Destination

"For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin-real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment that you have and remember that time waits for no one. Happiness is a Journey, not a destination." -Souza

I have a magnet with this quote hanging in my room. It wasn't until today that I truly realized how true this was. I purchased this magnet weeks ago, I bought it because I really liked the quote and thought it would be a good idea to read it every once in a while. It is hanging on my desk, so I see it whenever I sit down to type. As I was cleaning today, I passed by and read it. I was hit with the reality of it.

How in the world did I end up in Buies Creek, North Carolina pursuing a Master's of Divinity? Who really knows...but God?

When I was in my latter years of high school I had a job at a local home furnishings store. Pretty soon I had worked my way up to Assistant Manager and was even offered the chance to have my own store as manager. With this job I traveled all over the U.S. remodeling stores and training new employees. Just when I thought that was my destination in life, God changed the way.

I was in college pursing a degree and was presented the opportunity to start working with Autistic children. After the first day, I wasn't really sure if I would ever make it. Turns out, I did this for three years. I fell in love with the job and with the children. My life revolved around them. I was able to see so much progress in them, when a non-verbal child was finally able to speak a word or two, I would get tears in my eyes. Once again, I was happy and thought this was my destination in life.

However, God had a different plan. After graduating from college, I moved to this small town in North Carolina to begin pursuing a Masters degree. I made new friends, kept a few old ones and really just tried to focus on God's plan for my life. I was truly tired of school so I really was relying on God to get me through. During my second year here, I thought I would go my own way and decided to take the easy route and get the shorter masters degree. I talked with the Associate Dean of the school and had everything set to graduate in May. God had a different plan. He was speaking to me in a still, small voice, but I really wasn't listening (hard to admit that.) I had been working in a local church for over a year as the children's minister. I loved the children, not the church politics. I wasn't looking for another job, but God had a plan. During the spring, Campbell created a graduate assistant position for International Student Services.

The campus minister, one of my good friends, heard about the position and immediately thought of me. I applied, interviewed, and was hired. Just like that. In turn, I had to leave the position at the church. I was a little nervous about all of this, but gave it to God. Once the new position started, I fell in love with it. I love my students, I love learning about their cultures, and I certainly love hanging out with them. After a few weeks in this position, a friend said to me, "Sara, are you sure that God isn't telling you to stay in school and get your M.Div?" I looked at her and said.. "well, I don't think he is." The next day, she asked the same question. She asked repeatedly about it telling me that God was speaking to her and telling me the message. After hearing this for a while, I was giving it some serious thought. I began praying about it and gave the situation to God. One of my students asked me when it was I would graduate. I told her that it could be 2008 or it could be 2009. She asked for more of an explanation. Once I explained, she told me, "I know that you will do the right thing, you will listen to God. " That night, during my prayer, I told God I would stay in school for the M.Div. As I have embraced this decision, and my position at the university, I am so excited about the future. I am looking forward to what God has in store.

My true happiness is coming from the Journey that God is allowing me to have. If I looked at each stop as a destination, I would have stopped long before now, and I am pretty sure I would not be happy with life. Just when I thought that I was about to graduate and do what I wanted to do... God had a different plan for what HE wanted me to do and now my real life has begun.

Are you seeking to walk the journey of happiness or are you stuck at a destination?

Family

When one thinks of family, they remember the group of people that they are born into. We don't have a choice who our family is or how they will accept us and treat us. Growing up in a family in a small town brought lots of challenges. From the outside looking in, we were the perfect family. Two parents, two children. However, from the inside looking out, I knew that we were always far from perfect. I was never happy living at home, but once I moved out I realized just how good I had it there.

Now that I am in charge of International Student Services for Campbell University, I have learned a new take on family. Each of the international students arrive here on their own. Usually they don't know anyone, so quite often I am the first face of Campbell that they see. Since they are here on their own, like most college students are, this is a place where they need to create their own family. When I entered Divinity school several years ago, I began to create my own family. This is a group of my friends that I know I can count on for anything. However, I don't often think of what I might mean to someone else in terms of family.

I was reminded of this last week. There is a student from Moldova that I have been getting to know. She is very dear and close to my heart. I have been watching God work in her life over the past few weeks, and I am thrilled to see the way He answers prayers. Last week, International Student Services coordinated a host family meal. On this night, the student from Moldova came with me. She has adopted me as her family. After the meal, each student and family stood up. The family was to introduce the student, and the student the family.

My student and I stood up, and we were the last to go. I introduced her and told everyone where she was from, a little about Moldova, what she is studying, and that she means a lot to me. After that, my student began to speak. She introduced me and told everyone that I was in charge of International student services and also a student in the Divinity School. She went on to say some things that will stick with me for a while. She told about how I am always there for her, taking care of her needs, and helping her to see God at work. She told the group that she loved me, and that I meant more to her than any family or friend ever could. I began to get tears in my eyes. I cried because she is not a person that expresses her feelings, so to hear her saying these things about me just touched my heart.

I am honored to be her family, honored to be her friend. She puts a smile on my face and reminds me how lucky I am to be living. Even though we weren't born into the same family, we are family, helping each other along this journey called life.

Going Home

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to go home. Home for me is a place that brings back many memories; some good, some bad. I hadn't been home in a couple months so I was truly looking forward to seeing all of the changes. My parent's house has been under reconstruction, so seeing all of the new things was exciting. I have missed seeing my little sister, who is now grown up and enjoying life. I was looking forward to visiting with my parent's as well, because over the past year our relationship has been strained, but we seem to be putting things back together.

I was really traveling home to preach at the church I grew up in. The church was celebrating homecoming and their 160th anniversary. The pastor contacted me several months back and asked if I would be willing to preach at the 11am worship service. I told him that I would like to have a chance to pray about it, considering that I would be the first woman to preach from that pulpit and really have it called preaching. As I prayed about it I began to feel God place a message upon my heart. I called the pastor and let him know that I would be glad to preach for homecoming. He was very excited.

As I prepared for the day, I became more and more nervous. This was not my first time preaching, but I would be preaching in front of many people who know me very well. I think that preaching at "home" is the hardest kind of preaching. Sunday came and I arrived at the church at about 10:20. There were many people who haven't seen me in a long time that came up to speak. I had a chance to speak to the pastor and it was great. As I sat in my pew waiting for the time to preach, my legs began to shake. Finally, it was my turn. I led the church in prayer and then shared what was on my heart. As I was preaching, I began to hear the Amens and the bless yous coming from a group of visiting African American ladies. As they affirmed me, my nervous feelings subsided and God spoke through me. When I was finished, I left the pulpit feeling pleased and thankful that all had gone well.

Having that opportunity to make history was awesome. I am thankful for those ladies (my angels) offering the Amen's that so easily calmed my nerves. It made me think of my second home, Campbell Divinity School and the multiple affirmations shared there in chapel.

Thanks be to God that all went well.