About 6 months ago my life changed. I was in Cairo, Egypt with my two best friends at the time. I thought things were going fine, we were having a great time. I had noticed that my best friend was becoming distant and talking to my other friend about me when I wasn't around. There seemed to be a wall between us, a distance I couldn't explain.
Finally, I confronted my best friend and asked her what was going on. She began to raise her voice with me, she told me that I was too attached to her and I needed to take time to figure out who I was. She said some other things that I found quite hurtful. There I was thousands of miles from home and as lonely as ever. My friend had told me that once we got home things would be different. She said that we wouldn't be as close. I was devastated. I didn't know what to do. I went through those last few days, surrounded by two people I thought were my best friends and yet felt so distant. I felt like I didn't know them at all.
The trip home was hard. Although I was so ready to get home and see my family, I still wanted to be close to my friend. She was sleeping when they came by with the food on the plane. When I tried to help her by waking her up she snapped at me and said she could take care of herself. I was hurt again.
After getting home, we stood in her driveway and I gave her a hug. I said goodbye. That was the last time I saw her. We talked a few times on the phone after that, but it wasn't the same. She still had a pair of my shoes and owed me money. However, I decided to take her advice. I needed to take the time to figure out who I was. So, I spent a few days with my family and then came back to school to start a new job.
In these last 6 months I have discovered who I am, who God has called me to be. I have discovered things about myself that I never chose to see or wanted to see before. I have become so close to my sister. I have become much closer to my mother and father. I cherish my friends here at school. If my friend hadn't told me to figure out who I was, I may have never done this soul searching.
However..there is a truth to be faced. I miss my best friend dearly. I don't care about my money or the shoes...I just miss her. I think of her everyday. When something good happens, I want to tell her. When something bad happens, I want to tell her.
So wherever you are habibti, I still love you. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't know who I am today. The truth is, I miss you. I want you back in my life. I want to share the good times and the bad. I just want to be able to give you a hug and know that life is gonna be ok.
1 comment:
this is a beautifully honest post...one that i understand all too well...one that closely echoes how i feel about many close friendships in my life...one, in particular, right now.
i can't understand everything that you're feeling, friend, but i can appreciate the conflict between happiness and longing...and i can offer you my friendship--for what it's worth--as you live into the fullness of who you are and who you are becoming.
i will pray for peace and reconciliation within both your heart and your best friend's. and i will hope, with you, all that is good for the two of you as individuals and friends.
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